Dear Blog, it's been a long time since my last confession and believe me when I say that I am wracked with guilt about that alone, it deserves it's own post. The lack of structure in my life is causing havoc with a routine for posting and I don't really feel that I can write anything of any worth, without some time constraints and pressure. That said, here I am sporadically posting, though it is set to change as my six months off work is coming to an end and some rigidity will follow soon, all being well!

I have been to Amsterdam since we last conversed and Cardiff, I had a blast but I am sure I would just bore you talking about it. Had some great nights out, all faded memories now but boy did some controversial sh*t happen, well may be kick off is more the word! " That Demon Drink" *shakes fist* I have spent so much money, covered all the entertainment bases, bought some nice things (waiting on GTA 4 for PS3 to arrive in the post) and fitted in some poker, tho my results have tailed off in live play! Last time I only managing 3rd and we are on a break for the footy at the mo! Have had more success online and am finding cash games a bit of a breeze. I play the total opposite to my normal tight game, so it's ironic really!

So to recap, drink, drugs, rock and not forgetting roll and a pinch of gambling, hmmm. What else do I have to confess? Oh, women, I can't fathom your actions sometimes. See the way I just offend all the women I know, lol! Take for example SBB. Now that was over and dealt with years ago, she dumped me for her own reasons, totally broke my heart and probably turned me in to the cold, well maybe that's a bit harsh, void of feeling, maybe not that, having complete emotional control possibly, well anyone who knows me will get it. I tend to be really good at dealing with stuff and containing myself in my own little bubble, talking and sharing everything but not really giving anything away. Like Kimi, the Ice Man, lol! Anyway I digress, everything was put in a little box like Pandora's, filed away and sorted. Probably under Z, so as not to be found too often. It meant that when she got in touch (which is every few months if averaged out), if she wanted an alternate opinion or a bit of support I was there to give it, then when she fell in to the void again it was cool! I am not the sort to hold a grudge or wish ill upon anyone and would do what I could to help anyone, again as I would hope all my friends would agree with. Now, she is forging a life in a new country and I assume that she is really living the good life, the life she wants and is having a great time doing that. It's sort of a running joke that when she gets in touch, I would bring up that she owes me a holiday and when am I invited over. Now the interesting bit, finally some reward for reading all that crap...

She invited me over, which is grand in it's self and this has happened before. Tho this time it's a little different, she is serious. It's not a joke! I explained that there is nothing to gain from me visiting, tho I would like to hang out and get another holiday, we could hook up and have a blast! I don't think for one second that we would not fall into our own little world but it's empty fun, as when I return we will not be together, she has the same issues in her life and the void will suck her back in again! So that's it you would think but not really. Friday night she phoned me, I spoke to her briefly before she had to go but then she called my house, left messages on my Moby answer machine telling me that she loved me! *shocker* She also texted to say she thinks about me all the time! Now to further flesh this out, when we where together, many years ago we had the best relationship, we where each others 'ONE'! Something that I think rarely happens in life and it's entirely possible that this has not changed, tho as discussed earlier I have (maybe read as had) dealt with all that. I don't know if there is something has changed, if it was that I was a little weak after just coming back and recovering from Amsterdam but there is a chink of light coming from that dust old filing cabinet and I think Pandora's box mat be a jar! The funny thing is that she has not bothered to reply to texts or get in touch since Friday night, what sort of head fu*k is that? It's not that I am having a problem dealing with it, that I have any other chicks on the go to be concerned about but I just can't believe that after all these years and I have only talked to her face to face a few times in like the last 5 years, that she is still willing to risk our sanity for a few days of fun that she will not let continue!

Am I just supposed to forget about it, read between the line or god forbid being made a fool out of? Tho I doubt that, as I am well aware of what's happening! If anyone knows anything about women and can help, being constructive and not being hurtful or stating the obvious because this is not a normal relationship or situation, please give me your 2 cents worth! Oh and just before anyone thinks I am being hypocritical, as I say NEVER go back as a rule, this, my friends would be the exception that proves that rule, lol!

Finally, I updated my phone and somehow lost numbers and texts when the memory was wiped. So if I have not replied to you or whatever you know why! The positive side to this is that I have Truphone VoIP set up aging on my Moby. So you can get me on that number or just go to my facebook profile click the Truphone button on the left and call me for free from your PC and leave a message if I am not with in Wi-Fi range! How cool is that?

TODAY'S LINKS :: This Photograph is my proof :: Meebo :: Studies show that the clutter underneath your desk is to blame for all the failures in your life! :: Made in China :: Pollicinor

REMEMBER KID'S :: "When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jay unir cevinpl."

IRONIC SONG OF THE DAY :: Scarlett Johansson Falling Down "Well I open my eyes, I was blind as can be, When you give a man luck, He must fall in the sea"